ENCOURAGEMENT Rudolf Dreikurs, M.D.
“The central motivation of all humans is to belong and be accepted by others.” -- Rudolf Dreikurs (1897-1972)
“Encouragement depends not so much on concrete actions as on underlying attitudes. It is an approach that is too subtle to be characterized by definite words or actions.” -- Rudolf Dreikurs (1897-1972)
“We constantly encourage or discourage those around us and thereby, contribute to their greater or lesser ability to function well.” -- Rudolf Dreikurs (1897-1972)
“How many things would be different in everyone’s surroundings if we hadn’t lived? How a good word there encouraged some fellow and did something to him that he did it differently and better than he would otherwise. And through him somebody else was saved. How much we contribute to each other -- how powerful we each are -- and don’t know it.” -- Rudolf Dreikurs (1897-1972)
“The person who moves on the horizontal plane is constantly moving ahead in the direction he wants to move. He doesn’t move up but he moves ahead. When something goes wrong, he considers what’s going on, tries to find a way a-round, tries to remedy it. He is merely motivated by interest. If his motivation is very strong, he may even have enthusiasm. But he doesn’t think about his own self-elevation; he is interested in functioning instead of being concerned with his status or prestige.” -- Rudolf Dreikurs (1897-1972)
“It seems to me that our fear of making a mistake . . . is an expression of our highly competitive way of living. Making a mistake becomes so dangerous not because of the punishment -- of which we don’t think -- but because of the lowering of our status, of the ridicule, of the humiliation, which it may incur: ‘If I do something wrong and you find that I am doing something wrong, then I am no good. And if I am no good, then I have no respect, I have no status. Then you might be better than me. Horrible thought’!” -- Rudolf Dreikurs (1897-1972), “The Courage to be Imperfect,” Speech, University of Oregon, July 25, 1957.
“Children never learn to think for themselves if we do it all for them and hand it down ready-made.” -- Rudolf Dreikurs (1897-1972)
“A child needs encouragement like a plant needs sun and water.” -- Rudolf Dreikurs (1897-1972)
“A child needs encouragement like a plant needs sun and water. Unfortunately those who need encouragement most, get it least because they behave in such a way that our reaction to them-pushes them further into discouragement and rebellion.” -- Rudolf Dreikurs (1897-1972)
“Encouragement is more important than any other aspect of child rearing. It is so important that the lack of it can be considered the basic cause for misbehavior. A misbehaving child is a discouraged child. Each child needs continuous encouragement, just as a plant needs water. He cannot grow and develop and gain a sense of belonging without encouragement.” -- Rudolf Dreikurs (1897-1972) and Vicki Soltz, Children: The Challenge, 1964, p. 36.
“We ought to make it our first care to encourage a child when he is in difficulty.” -- Rudolf Dreikurs (1897-1972)
“Encouragement is increasing self-confidence and respect for oneself.” -- Rudolf Dreikurs (1897-1972)
“Mutual respect begins by valuing oneself.” -- Rudolf Dreikurs (1897-1972)
“We constantly encourage or discourage those around us and thereby contribute materially to their greater or lesser ability to function well.” -- Rudolf Dreikurs (1897-1972)
“Without encouragement, neither insight nor change is possible.” -- Rudolf Dreikurs (1897-1972)
“Faith is the basis of encouragement; to believe in others, not merely in their possibilities but in them as they are.” -- Rudolf Dreikurs (1897-1972)
“When a child makes a mistake or fails to accomplish a certain goal, we must avoid any word or action which indicates that we consider him a failure. ‘Too bad that didn’t work.’ ‘I’m sorry it didn’t work out for you.’ We need to separate the deed from the doer.” -- Rudolf Dreikurs (1897-1972) and Vicki Soltz, Children: The Challenge, 1964, p. 38.
“Whatever increases the courage of the child is helpful -- and whatever discourages, harmful. No child is genuinely ‘bad.’ Every child likes to be good, wishes to be successful, loves to be ‘nice.’ Only if he gives up hope, if he loses confidence in himself, only then will he misbehave.” -- Rudolf Dreikurs (1897-1972), The Challenge of Marriage, 1946, p. 223.
“Parental love is best demonstrated through constant encouragement toward independence. We need to start this at birth and to maintain it all through childhood. It is made manifest by our faith and confidence in the child as he is at each moment. It is an attitude which guides us through all the daily problems and situations of childhood. Our children need courage. Let us help them to develop and keep it.” -- Rudolf Dreikurs (1897-1972), Children: The Challenge, 1946.