The Tools of Encouragement
By,
Timothy Evans
Appeared in: Reaching Today's Youth, National Educational Service, Vol. 1, Issue 2, pp.
10-15, (1997).
The eminent psychiatrist Rudolf Dreikurs claimed: "The most important skill for
raising a child in a democracy is the ability to encourage that child" (1971). Dreikurs
considered encouragement to be the single most important quality in getting along with
others; so important that the lack of it could be considered the basic influence for
misbehavior. Dinlcmeyer and Losoncy (1996) concurred that encouragement is the key
ingredient in all positive professional and personal relationships.
If encouragement is indeed the most vital aspect of a child's social development,
very few educators, counselors, and parents fully realize this face. Encouragement is
desperately needed today. Children and teachers need encouragement like plants need
water. Learning the tools of encouragement is fundamental to improving relationships
and creating cooperation in the home and in schools.
What Is Encouragement?
Encouragement is positive feedback that focuses primarily on effort or
improvement rather than on outcomes. Encouragement is recognizing, accepting, and
conveying faith in a child for the mere fact that he or she exists. The child does not have
to be "the best" to be a full-fledged human-being. With encouragement, a child feels
worthwhile and appreciated regardless of the results he or she achieves. Encouragement
separates the deeds from the doer so there is no such thing as "good" or "bad" children.
Encouragement assumes that children are intrinsically motivated and will cooperate and
learn for the satisfaction that comes from it.
Encouragement has been incorrectly described as "non-evaluative feedback in
hopes of gaining compliance" (Kohn, 1996). On the contrary, encouragement is not
praise, reward, or language used to gain compliance. Praise is judgmental, extrinsic, and
controlling, perpetuating a discouraging superior-inferior relationship in which the child
must consistently both please the authority and prove himself/herself. Praise always
contains an element of judgment and evaluation. Whereas praise is given only when one
achieves "good" results, encouragement can be given any time, even when things go
poorly.
Encouragement is founded in Third Force Psychology and Adlerian principles, a
hopeful, phenomenological, humanistic, perpetual, and purposive psychology
(Evans,1989; Evans,1997; Meredith & Evans,1990). Adlerian psychology has been
demonstrating and using the principles and practices of encouragement for more than 55
years. According to Adlerian psychology , encouragement is the process of developing a
child's inner resources and providing courage to make positive choices.
Encouragement Is an Attitude
Encouragement is not a step-by-step method or set of specific techniques to make
students behave. Rather, encouragement stresses a fundamental attitude or "spirit."
Technique alone cannot create a democratic and cooperative atmosphere. The attitude of
encouragement rejects the unduly pessimistic view of children and their motives (e.g.,
"students will likely revert to less cooperative ways without powerful reinforcement or
recognition"(Albert, 1992). Following this line, to be encouraging, adults must believe
that children have a positive desire to solve problems and make changes. When this
attitude is lacking, encouragement is nothing more than another technique to coerce
children.
Schools and programs that embody an encouraging attitude follow six practices
(Carlson, Sperry, & Dinkmeyer, 1992).
Such Programs:
1.Make relationships a priority;
2.Conduct respectful dialogue;
3.Practice encouragement daily;
4.Make decisions through shared involvement (classroom meetings);
5.Resolve conflicts;
6.Have fun on a regular basis.
The statements below contrast encouraging statements that imply faith and respect
with discouraging statements that convey doubt and disrespect.
The Language of Encouragement
(Evans, 1995, Dreikurs, Grunwald, & Pepper,1982)
Encouragement. Discouragement
"I think you can do it." "Here, let me do that for you."
"You have what it takes." "Be careful; it's dangerous."
"You're a hard worker." "Don't forget your assignment."
"What do you think?" "Let me give you some advice."
"I could use your help." "When you're older. You can help."
"What can we do to solve the problem?" "I told you to be careful."
Encouragement Praise
"You put a lot of effort into your work." "I'm proud of you when you do well."
"You're a fine person." "You did better than anyone else in the class."
"I know you did your best." "Next time, if you work harder, I know you can get
an A instead of a B+."
Encouragement through Belonging
Encouragement is a key concept in promoting and activating "social interest" and
"psychological hardiness in individuals (Griffith & Powers, 1984). Alfred Adler (1931)
described social interest as a tendency for people to unite themselves with other human
being, to accomplish their tasks in cooperation with others. A person with fully
developed social interest knows he or she belongs and is a worthwhile member to the
human community. Such individuals strive to contribute and cooperate with other
(Dreikurs Ferguson, 1989). The more encouraged they are, the more they have to
struggle with life's challenges. In short, those with social interest take life in stride
without becoming antagonistic. Schools based on encouragement attempt to develop
social interest by enhancing a student's sense of belonging and connection.
When conducting workshops, I ask school personnel: "What inhibits a sense of
belonging in your school?" Not surprisingly, the answer typically consists of those things
that discourage students: comparative grading, win-lose competition, focusing on
mistakes, focusing on outcomes, unreasonably high expectations, over ambition, labeling
children, and the level system. Together, all of these common practices pit parents against parents, parents against students, students against students, and students against teachers. In short, they create a climate of discouragement.
Shared decision making, on the other hand, in which students are allowed to make
choices regarding their own education, can help foster a climate of encouragement.
Students can participate I class planning, create rubrics, and work in teams. They can
learn to evaluate this work through portfolios and self-evaluation and can be trained to
conduct student-parent conferences instead of parent-teacher conferences. Discipline and
planning take place during classroom meetings, which allow students to make decisions
about the operation of the class, resolve conflict, and give encouragement. The more
students are involved in the decision making of the school through activities such as this,
the more they feel a sense of belonging and connection. The more connection they feel,
the more courage they have to participate and contribute, which results in a more
democratic and cooperative classroom.
Psychological Hardiness
Along with social interest, encouragement develops psychological hardiness in
the individual. Psychological hardiness is recognized as a personality characteristic that
effectively buffers stress, allowing the individual to function adequately and cope with
life's challenges in a way that creates meaning and purpose in life (Kobasa, 1979). These
individuals have a positive and realistic view of self, positive and realistic view of other,
and an openness to experience (Combs, 1992; Evan,1995; Evans,1997).
1. Positive and realistic view of self. People who feel encouraged like themselves.
They see themselves as adequate and are kind to themselves even when they have
poor results. These individuals believe whatever they contribute is useful and this
alone gives meaning to their lives.
2. Positive and realistic view of others. By accepting ourselves, we are able to
accept others. Encouraged people have a high degree of empathy for others.
They are comfortable with human nature and can allow others to be themselves
without controlling them.
3. An openness to experience. Encouraged people do not fear mistakes, are open to
their experiences, and are free of success and failure. They realize all learning
involves mistakes and they view mistakes as opportunities for development. To
encourage this openness to experience.
John Leanes, the principal at Carwise Middle School, has done away with the fear of failure in this school. He
encourages mistakes by telling his students they "fail forward" toward learning.
Discouragement
No corrective effort of a child's misbehavior is possible without encouragement.
The worse the behavior, the more encouragement a child needs. Yet, children who
misbehave are most likely to receive the least amount of encouragement. Discouraged
children need a chance to feel appreciated and respected. Yet, instead of building them
up, we tear them down; instead of recognizing their efforts and improvement, we point
out their mistakes. Instead of allowing them to feel like they belong through shared
decision making, involvement, and meaningful contributions, we isolate them even
further through carious means of control and punishment.
Most adults are skilled at discouragement, having received more than their share.
We have learned how to yell, threaten, nag, interrogate, criticize, reward, punish, and
isolate when problems arise. As much as teachers and parents love children, we often
end up treating them with little trust and respect.
Our very educational system is mistake-centered, stressing the negative value that
hardly anyone is good enough as he or she is. Education promotes this value under the
assumption that growth and improvement occur from pointing our mistakes and creating
dissatisfaction with oneself. Teachers have been trained to spend much of their day in
carious way, pointing our the mistakes children have made. Many feel obligated to
correct and prevent these mistakes, not realizing how fundamentally discouraging it can
be. As a result, children learn that mistakes determine their value. They learn that by
doing nothing, they can succeed in not making a mistake and avoid the evaluation,
criticism, and ridicule that follows. Entire groups of students procrastinate and do
nothing simply to avoid the humiliation that comes with making a mistake.
What can be done? Half the job of encouragement lies in avoiding
discouragement. But before this can be accomplished, teachers and other adults must
learn to distinguish encouragement from discouragement. Most commonly, teachers
. discourage students in five general ways (Dinlcmeyer & Losoncy, 1996; Evans, 1989,
1996):
1.Over ambition/ setting high expectations or standards;
2.Focusing on mistakes to motivate;
3.Comparing one student to other students;
4.Making pessimistic interpretations;
5.Dominating by being too helpful.